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Forget Leaf Peeping, it's the time for Leaf Pooping!
Fall is here, which means one thing: pooping in the colorful leaves. The dead leaves really stimulate the bowels in a way that awakens the senses.
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The harsh crunch of leaves under tender paws as pups assume poop squats breaks the silence of the early autumn morn as icy silver frost coats the chain link fence surrounding the park, making it seem as if silver veins were encasing the perimeter.
The sharp snap of golden, crimson, rust, and umber oak, elm, and poplar fallen foliage breaking as doggos prance around
for the perfect squat spot. Almost as if stepping on the crinkly paper of destroyed filling of a Bark Box toy. The crumpling of the fallen fronds contrasts with the rough yet exfoliating feel of the gravel. The silence of the crisp autumn air as crouches are broken by the clunk of the dropping nuggets rustling the leaves in a soft crush as they settle under the epidermal layer of leaves. Emulating the sound of the crinkly paper in a Bark Box toy being bitten down upon by commanding and vice-like jowls. The brisk chill of the morning air, as the sky combines shades of cyan, magenta, coral, and lavender with the ascending sun over the rooftop peaks, commingles with the warm steam rising off the soft, brown loaves that creates a tasteful melange of decay and feces. The musky-sweet odor dances in the nose like the crinkly paper of a Bark Box toy dances in the wind as good boys and girls
vole, the fluff and paper dancing in the air like soft
snow falling on a stark, cold, moonlit winter glade.
The experience of pooping in the leaves is one of the most sensory and luxurious experiences one can have. Unless you have to find it and pick it up. A brown turd, among brown leaves, on brown sand. And then the little shits kicks sand over the shit, making it mission impossible to pick it up.
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shake the devil out of toys like they're killing a
Nunziato Dog Park to Get Water Feature?
Dogs have been thirsty at the Nunziato for years, but is all that about to change?
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After speaking with local officials in the Parks and Rec Deptartment, one Nunziato regular was told to contact Ben Ewen-Campen - Somerville's Ward 3 City Councilor (where the Nunziato is situated!). Ewen-Campen, who happens to live a stone's throw from the park and has recently been instrumental in helping out local businesses in Union Square, is believed to be receptive to water in the dog park and has the pull at City Hall to make drinking water dreams a reality.
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In order to help readers of Nunziato News reach out to Ewen-Campden, below is the councilor's email address along with a sample form email that can be copied and pasted into a message imploring the city to act fast to keep our pooches hydrated!
It has come to the attention of the Nunziato News that the local neighbors oppose any sort of improvement to the park. So we must up our campaign and reach out to the mayor as well. If more of us ask for water than oppose, hydration will happen!
Email address: benforward3@gmail.com and mayor@somervillema.gov
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Dear Ben Ewen-Campen Mayor Ballantyne,
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I am writing to urge you to initiate putting a water source into Nunziato Dog Park on the corner of Summer and Putnam streets.
My dog and I are regular attendees at the Nunziato. For years, the park has lacked a source of water for the pups and has, instead, relied on dog parents and walkers to carry in their own water. In the summer, this is particularly crucial, but does not happen often enough.
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The Nunziato is very popular, both with the dogs and their people. It creates a great source of community and local pride. I personally know people who come from all over the city, so their dogs can have fun in the park with those from the abutting streets. If we had a source of water, the park would be even better and safer for the dogs in the hot months.
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Please facilitate a water source at Nunziato Dog Park for all our thirsty pups!
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Sincerely,
Human + Dog
WTF is Wrong with People?
Dog parks are gross. It’s a giant, sandy bathroom for big dogs, small dogs, and in-between dogs. We’re talking both the pee pees and the doodies. Not to mention, the puke. Countless dogs have tossed their biscuits in the Nunziato, only for owners to simply kick some dirt over the soupy stomach slop. There is also a fair amount of blood that has been shed on the dirt of the field, from both accidental scrapes to full-blown dog fights. In short, the field of the Nunziato is riddled with canine bodily fluids.
So it is with this in mind, that baffled park goers ask “who the *@#$ doesn’t wear shoes in this petri dish?!?” For the longest time, a single park goer was the one shoeless standout. And it did not go unnoticed or undiscussed. Horrified newbies would twist their facial expressions into Donald Sutherland at the end of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” upon first viewing, while savvy veterans deftly avoided contact and conversation with the barefoot millennial.
But that singular shoeless horrifying anomaly doubled in the past week when a middle-aged white man showed up sans zapatos. It is widely believed he came in wearing flip-flops but at some point discarded them, much to the shock of those present.
Once the new free-toer left, remaining patrons were left discussing the whether or not such behavior might actually build immunities. The consensus was that because of Alexander Fleming, no amount of bare feet in a giant litter box was worth it.
Owner and Dogs Indistinguishable from One Another
They often say that if you live with someone long enough, you start to look like them. While that may be true of humans, it remained unclear if it could apply to a man and dog.... until now!
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A never-before-seen man arrived with his two dogs and local park goers were amazed at their inability to tell where man ended and dog began.
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The dogs, hunting varieties in a burnt umber, were led by a perm-headed man clad head to toe in various hues of copper. The caramel-colored man sat down on the bench and the cinnamon-shaded dogs stayed within a five foot radius of the chestnut chap. This insularity led many in the park to draw the conclusion that the group was a bit weird.
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The tawny trio stayed for nearly 20 minutes before heading out. As they exited, it was hard to track them as they blended into the sand across the park.
Local News
City Hall Responsive to Water Needs?
After attending a City Hall meeting, Nunziato News is pleased to report Ward 3 councilor and Somerville mayor are receptive to a water spigot at the dog park! Although reporters were told the wheels of bureaucracy can turn slowly, the request was dubbed "reasonable" and "sensible" by local politicians.
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The next steps to take are to follow up with an email. Apparently the proposal needs to go to a committee where the councilor may need to hear from Nunziato regulars about the lack of water and what a detriment it is to the pups that frolic at the park.
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As such, those with spare nights and a high threshold for crushing boredom may be asked to speak in front of a lectern and tens of alderpeople. As of press time, the dogs themselves are not required to attend. But let's see how it goes by following the traditional paths before we unleash the hounds (keep them fully leashed and hushed in a respectful manner).
Home-school Haircuts are All the Rage
In the age of inflated prices and stagnant wages, local pet parents are saving money by embarrassing their dogs with at-home haircuts.
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While it is not confirmed that dogs can feel shame, they certainly exhibit something akin to that very emotion when the run into the park with their choppy, uneven fur and random bald patches and are met with laugher from human and avoidance from their canine brethren.
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Most recently to join the bad-hair-day club, a Wheaten Terrier / Doodle who shall remain anonymous, came into the park sans the iconic beard he had been known and praised for. Within seconds, comments flew surrounding his weird ears and lack of chin his beard had so masterfully hidden for years, The dogs who normally played with the now frighteningly hirsute dog, now barked at him or ran away. It is unclear if it was his coiffure.
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But it probably was.
Marlon Brando Just Wants To Go Home
Local chihuahua and embodiment of nervousness Marlon Brando really doesn’t want to be at the park right now.
Despite the fact that he gets very excited upon seeing the park, once the gates close behind him, he exhibits disappointment and boredom, as well as some hints of disdain. Usually keeping to the perimeters of the park and never straying too far away from his human, Marlon just doesn’t seem that into it.
What should be a fun outing for the pup, usually ends prematurely and with ennui. He comes in, sniffs the trash cans, looks around at the furry fools chasing balls and fighting, then decides this is not the place for him.
Often staring wistfully into the grassy fields of the human park next door, seemingly wondering what could have been, Marlon refuses to take full advantage of all the park has to offer. Other dogs have previously tried to engage Marlon in their canine antics, but after a while just leave him be, presumably because they don’t want to be bummed out by his existential crisis.
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Marlon also doesn't care for the other humans in the park.
Terrain Report
Park is hot and dry. Very hot. Very dry. Bring water!
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Water - Scarce and precious. Bring it along for your dog and the others!
Opinion
I'm so THIRSTY!
by Hank
I'm so thirsty!
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Why isn't there any water in this park? I've been running after the ball forever and I need a drink. There is dirt in my mouth! Dirt on the ball. Dirt dirt dirt.
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I need water. I need a drink. Vince keeps putting his paws in the water. And dropping the ball in the water. It's not clean. I guess I'll drink it, but I wish we had clean water to drink instead.
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Seriously, I'm so thirsty I think I'm dying. I am going to lie down right here in the dirt and die of thirst. I just wish we had water.
Get Involved
Did news happen while you were there? Share it with Nunziato News!
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Think your dog is one of the all-stars? Contact us.
Watch this space for more information and how you can get involved in encouraging upkeep and upgrading of the park. Nunziato News will be sponsoring a petition in the coming weeks, asking Somerville to put in a water source for the park and to keep up on general maintenance. Maybe we could even get some new, less smelly, less gross turf put in!
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Updates will be here when they happen!
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In the meantime, contact us at: nunziatodogs@gmail.com